why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
