I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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