the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
