I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
