**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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