so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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