I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
pray to the hookup gods
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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