Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
