Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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