Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
