yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
