well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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