You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
