Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
