She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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