dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Ladies don't puke and tell
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
