Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
