my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
