He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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