One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
