how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
