So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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