Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
