My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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