I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
