I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I want to have your abortion
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
