I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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