i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
