Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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