I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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