he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We have started to decorate penises.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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