Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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