CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
