My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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