Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
