After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
