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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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