I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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