So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
