She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
