I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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