well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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