I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
