So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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