when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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