I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
