Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
