I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Come on in and take your pants off
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