Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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