That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
