I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
